Saying good-bye to someone you love

Dear Jack,

My name is Logan and my grandpa, who I called “Pawpaw”, just died.  I’m so sad and I don’t know what to do.  I don’t have anyone I can talk to about it or ask questions about where Pawpaw is now.  I don’t want to talk to my mom because she just cries all the time and daddy doesn’t like to talk at all.  He’s tired when he gets home from work and just wants to sit and watch T.V.

Pawpaw and I would go fishing together, he taught me to ride my bike and tie my shoelaces.  I loved him so much.  I don’t understand why he had to go away.  People tell me he won’t ever come back!

Logan

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Dear Logan,

It’s hard to say good-bye to someone you love. 

There’s a Native American Indian tale that talks about the “Circle of Life” where they believe that, just like the caterpillar “dies” only to become a butterfly, there is no “death” in the Circle of Life – only the great change.  If you ever wonder if you will see your Pawpaw again, just “close your eyes and remember him.  See him on the backs of your eyelids” and feel him in your heart.  His spirit is right there with you. 

Sometimes it helps if you have a box to put things in that reminds you of your Pawpaw - like a shoelace, or a small toy bike or a fishing lure.  Then when you are feeling especially sad, or not, you can take the special things out of the box and remember all the fun things you did together.  It can bring back all those good feelings. 

You can also draw your feelings whether they are sad, mad, glad or some other feeling -- because feelings are okay. I hope this helps you understand what to do when you have feelings you do not know how to handle.  

If you want, you can call and talk to my mom, Toni, at the Advocacy Center (541 734-5437.)  Thanks for writing.

Jack