Teen asks for help for friend who is cutting

Jack and his mom, Toni Richmond

 Dear Jack,

I have a friend at my high school who I really like, but she does things that I don’t understand.  I know there are things going on in her life and in her family that she does not want to talk about, but how she is handling it isn’t good.  She intentionally hurts herself.  At first I thought she was just trying to get attention, then I thought it was a phase she would grow out of because the cutting wasn’t very deep, but now I’m afraid she might want to die and will be put away somewhere for crazy people.  Can you help me to know why she is doing this and what to do?

Jennie

_______________________________

Dear Jennie,

People may use self-inflicted physical injury as a means of coping with an overwhelming situation or feeling.  Some teens may self-injure when they are trying to get attention for their emotional troubles, but when they thought about it, they realized their behavior was really a silent cry for help and not designed to attract attention.

As far as her cutting being superficial, the severity of self –injury has very little to do with the feelings one might have.  We all have different tolerances to pain and different ways to hurt ourselves. This behavior should be taken seriously.

According to Tracy Alderman, author of The Sacred Soul, most self-inflicted wounds are not life threatening and may not even require medical attention.  Some are put in a hospital for a short period because the adults in their lives are afraid and don’t know what else to do.  Experts in this field have suggested that hospitalization can actually make matters worse.  Most teens who hurt themselves are trying to find control in their lives, and involuntary hospitalization makes them feel worse, potentially leading to even more self-injury.

People don’t stop self-injury because others don’t like what they do.  There are many reasons why they hurt themselves. They are the only ones who can understand those reasons and they will only stop when they are ready and choose to do so.  It is important for your friend to get professional help.  Someone to help them work towards changing their behavior and making a commitment to change is the first step.  You can also call my mom, Toni, at the Advocacy Center ( 541) 734-5437 X107 and talk to her too. 

Jack