Teen asks about a "clarification letter" from offending brother

Jack and his mom Toni

Dear Jack,

Three years ago my older brother was sent from our home because he touched me in a sexually inappropriate way.  For a long time I felt it was my fault that the family was split up because I told, even when other people told me it wasn’t my fault.  I have finally realized he was older, bigger and there was probably nothing I could have done to stop him.  I loved him and looked up to him.  I did what he said without question.  My brother has been in treatment all this time and is now ready to do what they call a clarification letter and possible meeting.  I have really missed my brother and have not been able to see or talk to him in all this time.  I’m a teenager now, but I’m kind of nervous about all of this stuff.  Can you tell me what a clarification letter and meeting is and what I can expect?

Jessica

_______________________

Dear Jessica,

This is something my mom, Toni, has experience with here in Jackson County.  First, and most importantly, it would be necessary for you to have a therapist that knows you and can determine if you are ready for the letter.  He, or she, would go over the letter and make sure it was appropriate and that your brother took responsibility for everything that he did and has empathy (able to put himself in your shoes and feel what you feel) for you.  Your parents would also be involved in this process.  The therapist would be with you, and your parents, if you want them there, when you read the letter or, if you want, it could be read for you.

After this has been done, you get to decide if you want a meeting with your brother.  It usually includes his therapist, your therapist, his probation officer and anyone else you want to be there.  You get to decide where people will sit, what can and cannot be said, and anything else you will need to feel safe. You are the director and in charge.  You have a voice and it will be heard.  During this meeting your brother will need to talk about behaviors that may lead to him reoffending.  He needs to tell you his triggers or red flags, things you and your parents need to know, so that his “abuse cycle” can be interrupted.  If all goes well, your family may set up times to have lunch together, maybe dinner, visits to your home and, eventually, reunification (moving back home).  This will all be done over a period of time, so you must be patient.  I hope this helps, but if you want to talk to mom you can call the CAC at: (541) 734-5437 X107, and she can give you more information.

Jack