Dear Jack,
I know you usually talk to kids about their problems and
help them understand different things that might be troubling them. I am an adult, but have a problem too that I
would like to ask you about. When I was
12 I was sexually abused by my best friends’ dad. He went to prison and I went to
counseling. During the counseling the
therapist told me that since I had been abused I would likely grow up and
become a sexual offender. Jack, this
information has affected my life in so many different ways. I have few friends and having a girlfriend
seems impossible. I keep waiting for the
day I become like the person who hurt me.
What can I do?
Alex
__________________________________
Dear Alex,
I am so sorry you were abused. This is something that should not happen to
anyone, but happens more often than we would like to
admit. What I’m more sorry, and upset,
about is your experience in counseling.
What the therapist told you was so
wrong! Just because you were sexually
abused does not mean you will grow up to be an abuser. Some kids may sexually act out with others
what happened to them, but we call this sexually reactive behavior. Again, this does not mean they are “little
offenders”. They are just trying to deal with the feelings the abuse has
caused. Working with them around
boundaries, touch, secrets, feelings and sex education can minimize the damage
done and teach the difference between right and wrong behaviors.
Alex, it is important for you to talk to a therapist who
deals with sex abuse and knows what they are talking about. They will help you work through your feelings
of a doomed future and isolation. You
deserve to have a life filled with friends, people you love and who love you. The most important thing to remember is you did nothing wrong! Thank you for sharing
with me. If you would like to talk to my
mom, Toni, she could really help you understand all you’ve been through and
help you heal. Just call her at the
Center.
Jack
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