Advice for a teen whose teacher is too "nosey" and "touchy"

Jack and therapist, Toni Richmond

Dear Jack,

My name is Susan and I’m a freshman in high school.  I have been reading your blog and decided to write to you myself about a problem that I and my friends have been trying to deal with, on our own, but it’s not working.  What I want to ask you about has to do with a teacher at our school.  We’re all uncomfortable about some of the things that have been happening.  First of all, the teacher likes to have kids come in the classroom, after school, to talk about whatever is going on in their lives.  This would be okay, but usually it’s one-on-one and it can become very personal and, at times, downright nosey.  There’s also the problem of how touchy the teacher is to everyone, boys and girls alike.  We’re supposed to be respectful to our teachers, but it feels as if she is not respectful to us!  I know that because she’s a woman that it shouldn’t be an issue, but it is. Were afraid if we say anything it may affect our grade in the class.  Help!

Susan

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Dear Susan,

Thank you for writing to me about your serious problem.  When I say serious I mean it, because, as you said, your teacher is not being respectful to you.  Your teacher may be using her position of power and control to put you in situations that are unsettling.  It does not matter if the person is male or female, if they are invading your personal boundaries, whether they are physical/sexual or emotional/spiritual, it isn’t okay if you feel uncomfortable. Boundaries are important because they define areas of privacy.  Physical/sexual boundaries protect your body.  You decide who can touch you, how they can touch you, and where.  Emotional/spiritual boundaries protect your private thoughts and emotions.  You decide what feelings you will or will not share with others.

I know you are afraid to say anything because of how it may affect your grade, but I think it’s necessary to talk to someone.  If you don’t want to tell her how her actions make you feel then it may be helpful to talk to your school advisor about your concerns, or the Dean or Principal.  It is important that you speak out.  It seems as if this teacher is violating the boundaries of others.  We all have our personal space and some peoples are much smaller than others.  Maybe hers is very small and, because she is comfortable standing close and talking about private things, she may not realize how it is different for you.  On the other hand, she may be very aware of what she is doing, knows it is out of line, and needs to be called on her unwanted behavior.  Whatever you decide to do, whoever you decide to speak to, do it soon.  This type of behavior is not okay and needs to stop.

Thank you for writing about a topic that is difficult, but I know you will choose to do the right thing.  If you want to talk to my mom, Toni, you can always call the Center.  She’s really easy to talk to and very understanding.  Take care.

Jack