Jack's Advice to a Teen About Sexting

Jack and Toni Richmond

Dear Jack,

I’m a sophomore in high school and have a great family and friends, but I’m having trouble concentrating in school because of something I did while texting a boy I like.  It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, even though lots of kids are doing it.  Anyway, we were texting back and forth and he asked me to flash him, by pulling up my shirt and showing him my boobs.  I was just trying to flirt so thought it would be okay.  One of his friends was at his house and saw the picture then shared it with someone else.  Now it’s all over the school!  My parents would be so angry if they found out.  I’m so freaked out I don’t know what to do.  I feel like every guy at school has seen my body and that’s all I can think about.  I feel so humiliated, angry and stupid.

Shawna (this is not my real name)

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Dear “Shawna”,

Thank you for sharing something so very personal.  This is a huge issue in today’s world of technology. What you are talking about is called sexting.  This is a real problem for both tweens and teens.  Sexting isn’t just about sending images, but can also be about private sexual conversations and/or experiences.  The problem is it is not just shared with the person you are texting, but can then be shared with the immediate world.

Author Rachel Simmons says that “girls are socialized to think that showing off their sexuality makes them powerful…Teens caught up in sexting are focusing on what other people want and think instead of what they authentically feel.  Out of touch with emotions they miss out on a basic task of growing up; deciding for themselves what they like and value, and who they really are as a person.”

I think it’s important to tell your parents what you did before they hear through public gossip.  Hopefully they can talk to you about building your self–esteem in ways apart from reactions you get from males.  It’s also important to not try and attempt to use your phone to help make it all go away.  It will only make things worse.  The best thing to do is hold your head high and not get pulled into what others are saying.  If the kids at school tease you, respond by saying, “I made a big mistake.  By bringing it up you’re making me feel bad.  I wouldn’t do that to you if you were in my situation.”

I hope this helps.  If you’re too uncomfortable talking to your parents, and need someone to talk to, you can always call my mom, Toni, at the Advocacy Center.  Take care of yourself Shawna and know you are not alone.

Jack