I am an 11 year old girl who has two moms. They were together for a long time before I
was born and later, but aren’t together anymore. I call the one who gave birth to me “mama”
and the other “mom”. Now they argue
about who gets to have the most parenting time.
One wants to have me one week on and one week off. The other wants four nights one week then
three nights the next. I love them both and want to spend time with each one of
them, but I hate the fighting and it makes my stomach hurt. Sometimes they say mean things about the
other person and that really makes me feel sad and mad. I don’t want to say anything to upset either
parent. I feel like I’m tied up in knots
most of the time. I’m just a kid so I
don’t know what I could say to them or even if I have the right to say
anything. Help!
Jemma
Dear Jemma,
Thank you for sharing your problem with me. This seems to happen a lot when parents are
no longer living together and/or get a divorce.
Divorce does not always damage children, but when you are caught in the
crossfire of your parents’ hostility, it can.
As you said, it hurts to stand by and watch them say mean things to each
other, or worse, if they say it to you.
I think it is important that your family seeks professional help.
It is also important for you to have a
voice. Tell each one how it makes you
feel when they argue and badmouth one another.
You should not have to be placed in the middle of their problem. It’s also important that they don’t ask you
to decide who, where or how long you want to live with each one. That puts too much pressure on you and they
are the adults, though they may not act like it, and are to make those
decisions.
Please talk to them and ask
them to get some professional help. You
can also talk to a school counselor who may help you deal with what is going on
at home or call my mom, Toni, at the Advocacy Center. Take care of yourself Jemma and thanks again
for sharing a very personal family problem.
Jack
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