Advice for a teen living in an alcoholic family

Jack and his mom, therapist Toni Richmond

Dear Jack,

My name is Thomas and I live in a family where my father drinks every single day -- and I don’t mean one or two beers. He’ll drink a six pack, or more, every night.  If it’s a good night, he’ll just go to sleep, but if it’s a bad night, he’ll start yelling at everyone.  When this happens we all try to stay out of his way.  We never know what might happen and it’s scary.

It is really making me angry.  I don’t understand why he does this or why my mom stays with him.  We all walk around like we are walking on egg shells, afraid to say or do anything to make the shells break. I just want it to stop, the yelling, saying mean things and broken promises.  Sometimes I feel like I’m the adult and my parents are the children.  I need help to understand if there is a way to stop this problem.

Thomas

_______________________

Dear Thomas,

Thank you for sharing the problems you are facing in your home.  An alcoholic family can be very chaotic and unpredictable.  Alcoholism can be one of the most devastating illnesses known to mankind because it progressively damages all aspects of the afflicted person: physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. It has a profound impact on every member of the family, as you know and are experiencing.

It is important for you to be spared from the damaging silence, isolation, pain, shame and embarrassment you endure at home.  You need to know it is not your fault and you are not alone.  There is an organization called Alateen which is designed for younger relatives and friends of alcoholics through the age of nineteen.  The members conduct their own meetings with guidance from a counselor trained in addictions.  They follow the same Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and principles of Al-Anon.   Al-Anon is a separate fellowship from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).  Alateen will help teach you about chemical dependency,  provide a safe , supportive environment for you to freely express your feelings, teach you the skills you need to take better care of yourself to stay safe and to help you just be a kid.

You can call Al-Anon/Alateen in our local area by dialing: 1-888-794-7683.  Thank you again Thomas for sharing your family’s problem.  You can also call my mom, Toni, and talk to her.  She’s a real good listener and has good ideas too!

Jack