Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Advice for a teen: get to know yourself first, explore relationships later



Dear Jack,

I’m 13 years old and will be going to high school next year.  I want it to be a new beginning for me.  You see, I have not been as good as I would like during middle school.  I’ve had lots of boyfriends so my reputation isn’t so great.  I just like having someone else in my life that makes me feel pretty and special. I haven’t done anything bad, just kissing and hugging, but there’s been lots of boys.  I just don’t like being alone and I get bored after a week or two with each one.  How can I change how the other kids see me?  What can I do to change their minds about who I am?

Melinda

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Dear Melinda,

Thanks for writing me about your problem.  First of all, it’s important to know what you have control over and what you don’t.  You don’t have control over what others think, feel or say about you, you only have control over how you respond to them.  I think this is a hard lesson to learn for anyone.  I guess what I’m trying to tell you, is to ignore the negative behavior and talk.  Soon others will get tired and stop, especially when they don’t get a reaction out of you. 

The second thing is to learn how to enjoy your own company.  You don’t have to have a boyfriend to feel good about yourself or to feel complete.  Maybe you can find a sport you like to do or find some girl friends to hang with and do things together.  You’ll have plenty of time to explore relationships later.  Why not take the summer to explore and find out about yourself, your likes, dislikes, dreams and any other thing that brings you joy.  Just get to know you.  I hope this has helped.  If you want to talk to my mom, Toni, you can always call the Children’s Advocacy Center.  She really likes working with teens!

Jack


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