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Jack, the therapy dog and therapist, Toni Richmond |
Dear Jack,
I am writing to you about something
that is making me feel uncomfortable, and I don’t know who to talk to. Now that
it is summer I am spending a lot more time playing at the park by my house.
There are a lot of kids there who don’t have much to do, and a lot of times
they start talking about things that I don’t know much about. A lot of what
they talk about has to do with sex and they use words that I don’t understand,
but from the way they use them I don’t think they are words my mom would want
me to ever use. They also make weird gestures and move their bodies in funny
ways, and then they all laugh, but I’m not sure what they are laughing about
and I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I’ve tried to act like that with them so
they wouldn’t think I was dumb, but I feel funny doing that.
I really want to be friends with all
the kids at the park, but I don’t know what they are talking about sometimes.
My mom lets me use our computer to play games, and I decided to try to look a
few of the words up on the internet so I won’t feel so dumb when I hear these
kids talking about things. When I did that, some things came up that I know
aren’t for kids to see. There were a lot of videos and things with grown-ups
doing sexual things. I kind of wanted to look at them because they made me
curious, but they also kind of grossed me out.
I don’t know what to do. My mom has
tried to talk to me about sex to tell me things she thinks I should know, but
this stuff I am hearing seems really different from what she has talked about.
I want to fit in with other kids and I want to understand what they are saying,
but I’m also not sure if I should be learning that, and I feel pretty mixed up.
I don’t want to talk to my mom about it because it is embarrassing. Can
you help me?
Casey
__________________________
Dear Casey,
Thank you for writing to me about this topic. It can be very
confusing to kids when they begin to explore sexuality, but this is a natural
part of growing up. Children are curious about sex. It is really
important to talk to your parents about the questions you have about sex and
sexuality. I know you say it is embarrassing, but this is a conversation
every parent should have with their children when the time is right. It
seems that you are being exposed to language and behavior that may be done in
such a way that it makes sex appear dirty or something to hide and laugh about,
which is not the truth.
Parents, by their actions and words, teach their children their
values and attitudes about sex. You said your mom has tried to talk to
you about these things which is really good. She is open to answering
your questions. Some parents may be not want to talk about this topic
because they don’t know what or how much to say, but it sounds like your mom is
pretty smart and can answer your questions.
Going on the computer to find answers, especially for the sights
you have been talking about, is not something children should be looking
at. These sights may be showing sexual acts that may, or may not be
deviant, but children do not need to see adults performing sex. These
images can be twisted out of their natural state”. Morals and values
about sex should come from your parents, not your friends, who may not really
know what they are talking about, or from computers, television, movies, music
videos and the radio.
Tell your mom about the dirty jokes or words that
are going around or the gestures that the kids are doing that you are not sure
what they mean. It is better to check these things out with your parents
than stay confused. Generally, other children don’t know any more than
you do, but they make something up because they want you to think they know it
all!
I know you want to fit in with the other kids, but you have said
that some of their words and behaviors make you feel uncomfortable. It is
important to listen to your own body. It’s like when you get the feeling
of “butterflies in your tummy” that may make you not feel so good, so listen to
your body and leave.
I know its summer and you want to be with your “friends”,
but when they begin to talk and behave in these ways its okay for you to go
home. Hopefully, they are not acting this way all the time. If they
are, then it might be the time to find new friends. Another way to make
it so they won’t say and do these things is to be at your house, in the
presence of an adult. I’m sure that would make them think twice before
doing or saying anything that is inappropriate.
I hope this has helped. Again, it sounds like you have a
parent who is open to talking to you and answering questions you may have
about anything you find confusing or uncomfortable. If you want to talk
to my mom, Toni, you can call her at (541) 734-5437 X107. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to
another trusted adult that is not your parent.
Jack